Bhagwan @ Large

in the deep, dark night-time of night

So we have moved. In a new bed which was not cheap, in a new neighborhood which is similarly priced, I still have problems getting and staying asleep. Be it pain, cramps, cold, racing mind, or whatever, it’s two shifts at least a night for me.

Tonight, that first shift was from 10 PM to 3 AM. quite possibly the best non-drunken slumber in quite some time. In one or two hours, I will (hopefully) wake up from the next one, and get myself ready for a day of creatively creating.

Saturday’s party was magic. Much like the theater, it all worked out, for some reason no-one understands. The ground floor was open and accessible to all, the backyard grill area worked to perfection, and the rain held off until the sun set and most grownups were either home in bed or inside drinking from big kid glasses. Many thanks to all that attended, especially those what brought wine. Post party tally shows I h ave nearly doubled the available bottles here, which is good because the party has much in common with the bed and neighborhood.

I also have no leftovers, you crazed locusts. Two pieces of chicken and a box of veggie burgers somehow survived the swarm, which is awesome because someone else brought the chicken. It would seem I properly estimated the available food exactly, or it could be that y’all were bey kind and considerate regarding the MEAT situation.

I take it back. There is still half a bag of GIANT MARSHMALLOWS, waiting to be artfully melted at our next gathering. Stay tuned.

It feels oddly strange and satisfying to have paid the rent 11 days early. It feels doubly so to be “broke” on the day one gets paid, and then to see a large sum of money still there in one’s account waiting to be whisked away in 11 days’ time. One of our overly aggressive party purchases was returned Sat. morning, but those funds will not return until sometime today. Now more than ever I am happy to have paid down all credit cards before heading to Hawaii in May. Much of our move “lives” there at the moment, and my desire to no longer possess that debt is the prime factor in my inability to buy a cup of coffee this week.

Yes. The above statement does indeed mean I had >MORE< money before I got paid last week. go figure. On the bright side, I “found” quite a bit of it sitting in front of other people at a chip-renting game session last week. Things look good for another such session, especially since it’s now a self-sufficient bus ride away from my house.

Not paying 5bux a day for the bus next month will be awesome. Just saying. Last time I checked, that’s 8 days away. And Also, twice the price of store-bought coffee beverages. I have coffee here, coffee at work, and the knowledge that I probably shouldn’t drink coffee so much.

Wheeee!

Time to pretend at sleep, so that this morning I may pretend at competence. Hope the day (or the night) holds more success for you.

January 5, 230

Not a typo.

Weighed in for the first time in two months, and was neither surprised nor pleased by the result. I haven’t lost an ounce. On the bright side, I haven’t gained any weight since November, but that’s hardly the point.

I currently weigh 230 lbs.

Again.

Three years ago today I weighed exactly 50 lbs less. Two years ago I weighed 50 lbs less. Last year, the number was 40.

To say I am not happy with the results of 2009 would be an understatement. Things more or less went down hill right after that last post, when I ran out of money. Eating habits change dramatically when you can’t buy what you need to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

By April, I was buying new pants.

I’m wearing them now. They are among the only clothes I have that fit, and this. Must. Change.

No matter what size shoulders I have, 230 lbs is not acceptable. Long-term readers may remember that this was originally my goal weight, at which time I spent a great deal of money on suits that would now fit me, had I not given them away. Especially when compared to the low point of 165 (July, 07).

There are two very apparent reasons for this. One, I’m eating too much of things I should not. I’m not maintaining discipline in my life, sliding here, sliding there, and it adds up. I still eat 4 meals a day, and for the most part, they are responsible ones. But all it takes is one extra snack, one meal larger than it should be, and the body remembers.

Remembers being homeless, starving, 140 lbs. Remembers being so cold on a park bench that no amount of shivering could warm us up, so we just kept walking, eating grapefruit picked from the tree and boiling a 1 dollar bag of rice in stages so it would last all week.

Two, I made a (correct) decision to adopt a gluten-free lifestyle in May of last year. This in and of itself was not an issue, but exploring other food options to replace bread led me back to free-range carbs such as potatoes, chocolate, and butter. these are among my favorite things, and so easily did my body welcome them back into my life. Discovering how to have pizza again, gluten-free beers, mashed potatoes, cake, cookies…

This is why I can’t have nice things.

I am on notice. I have put myself there. 50 lbs by Opening Day. That’s three months from now, and I have a closet full of not cheap sporting apparel that will thank me for it.

After all, Opening Day 2006 was the decision to start losing weight in the first place.

Packing responsible, not-snacky lunches all this week. Baked a fresh loaf of bread last night, and took care to slice it as thin as possible with my hands and knife. menu items planned for the rest of the week, new cycle starting on Monday.

It’s time for change.

This has been your state of the Bhagwan address. Expect more, or rather, less.